Make your zipper knight the best in the whole town.

Make your zipper knight the best in the whole town.

What is a zipper knight, and is there any advantage to having the best one? Zippers and knights are commonly known, but has anybody beheld a zipper knight? To delve deeper I checked my Dictionary.app for alternate definitions.

zipper |ˈzipər|
noun
1 a device consisting of two flexible strips of metal or plastic with interlocking projections closed or opened by pulling a slide along them, used to fasten garments, bags, and other items.
2 a display of news or advertisements that scrolls across an illuminated screen fixed to the upper part of a building.

knight |nīt|
noun
1 (in the Middle Ages) a man who served his sovereign or lord as a mounted soldier in armor.
• (in the Middle Ages) a man raised by a sovereign to honorable military rank after service as a page and squire.
• poetic/literary a man devoted to the service of a woman or a cause : in all your quarrels I will be your knight.
• dated (in ancient Rome) a member of the class of equites.
• (in ancient Greece) a citizen of the second class in Athens.
2 (in the UK) a man awarded a nonhereditary title by the sovereign in recognition of merit or service and entitled to use the honorific “Sir” in front of his name.
3 a chess piece, typically with its top shaped like a horse's head, that moves by jumping to the opposite corner of a rectangle two squares by three.

Because the mail specifically mentioned my zipper knight we can throw out quite a few of these alternates. I've never owned an illuminated screen affixed to building so zipper definition 2 is out of the picture. I live in modern times in America so the poetic/literary knight and the chess knight are the only reasonable options there.

This is now either a reference to some man who is devoted to the service of my zippers (making sure they are properly zipped and maintained) or some kind of a zipper related chess piece. I'm not interested in some dude constantly looking at my sugar lumps so my first zipper knight is out of the question completely. The only reasonable option is that my zipper knight is some kind of zipper pull attached to a chess piece. This leaves me 31 pieces short of a portable chess match but if you are a super goth and have a pair of those pants with zippers and chains everywhere you might be in business (you just need to find a punk and/or rude-boy with a checkered jacket and/or shirt).