You know that old urban legend about the kid who dreamt he was eating giant marshmallows and woke up to find out that his pillow was gone (leading you to believe he had eaten his pillow)? Well I've got one up on him.
I dreamt I was hanging out in one of the pools at a super lush resort in Hawaii, watching the girls in skimpy bathing suits and drinking Mai Tais at the bar in the middle of the pool.
I was challenged by the bartender, who was also wearing a skimpy bathing suit (as all women in my dreams are want to do), to drink the largest Mai Tai they could make. The glass was larger than my head but I had a challenge and I'd never back down when skimpy bathing suits are involved. I started to drink and before you know it I was done. Aren't dream time-lines grand?
Suddenly it hit me. An urge to urinate like I had never felt before. I knew I'd never make it out of the pool and through the showers and to a toilet in time so I did the only sensible thing any completely plastered man in a swimming pool would do. stand-up, pee in the pool, then swim as far and as fast away from the situation as drunkingly possible.
I had just completed the first two steps of my plan when faced with the task of the fast and far swim I noticed that either the pool had grown incredibly small or I had grown incredibly large. This did not deter me from my chosen course, so I dove in and promptly hit my head on the wall of the pool and came up gasping for air.
...
I awoke at 3am on a Tuesday finding myself sitting in a bathtub half full of lukewarm water. As I was reaching for my bathrobe I noticed, as a curiosity, that my toilet was empty and the water in the bathtub had taken on a yellowish ting. What's that smell?
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